Friday, February 25, 2011

Lets Talk About Bad Boys

Oh the allure of a bad boy. Most all girls have been seduced by one. You know.....the ones with the great hair, great body, maybe a tattoo, knows all the right things to say, treats you great for the first month, maybe even opens your door, pulls out your seat and still manages to do those "bad boy" things that for some reason we don't think is bad for at least that first month. Heck, they can even tell you that they just got out of jail for selling drugs but of course they say they didn't do it and we quickly say, "I believe you" with our flirtatious giggle and eye contact. They have that uncanning ability to hook you in and you can't get enough of them. It's like an addiction. 

I've thought back on a lot of the guys that Tara and I have dated over the course of high school and out of high school and it's not pretty. At least Tara didn't marry and divorce one like I did. That's a positive for Tara! These memories have been rushing back to me because I see my daughter heading down the path of bad boys.  I really thought I had done a better job of teaching her the kinds of guys she should pursue and not pursue and "the bad boy" was not on the list.  Then it hit me....this is almost completely out of my control.  It's their spell.  It's like they are magnets and we all just stick to them.  I have tried to convince her that it will not be a happy ending when the yellow brick road she is skipping down comes to an end.  So, all I can do at this point is give my advice along the way and even share stories of mine and Tara's.

For instance, if you are in a restaurant with your boyfriend, like Tara and I were on a double date, and they ask if it will be ok if we split a plate and drink water, you know this is not going to go well.  If, after dating for a while, you begin to realize that when you are in some places where law enforcement is present and they always disappear and leave you stranded, that should put up a big red light but mine and Tara's light seemed to only be set to green.  I remember Tara dating this guy and he was good looking.  They maybe had been dating a month and he said he got a new car, which we both were shocked because he didn't have a job, etc, but he said the car is so nice and he was coming to pick us up at Tara's house so we could go riding around. About 20 minutes went by and Tara's phone rang and he asked if we would mind bringing some seat cushions along when he picks us up.  Tara agrees and we are thinking maybe we are going to go to Stone Mountain or to a baseball game or something where we needed the seats.  He gets there and we walk out and we see this nice car in the driveway.  We're impressed.  We each have a seat cushion and we are ready to get in. As we open they door, we quickly realize that the seat cushion was for us to sit on in the car because there was only 1 seat in the entire car and that was for the driver.  The entire inside of the car was demolished. It basically was just the steering wheel, the seat, a radio and a dashboard. He said, well it's the best I can do for now because my parents would only give me a certain amount of money since I seem to be going in and out of jail. You would think Tara would have stopped dating him, but it took another 3 months or so for her to see the light.

  I even took my little brother, who was 13 at the time, to what I think may have been a drug supplier's house or either a casing for a future robbery. I was so liking this guy, who was my boss at Domino's Pizza where Tara and I were working, and we had been on several dates and eventually started going out. It was my senior year of high school and I loved the fact he always had a lot of money, a hot sports car, dressed great and was good looking and seem to be smart.  He even sent Tara and I matching roses all because he knew how much Tara and I meant to each other and thought we both deserved them. One Saturday he asked if my brother and I wanted to ride with him to his house.  I was all excited because this was the first time I was going to see where he lived.  He still lived with his parents and he claimed his father was this high powered business man, etc. and that is why he always had money and stuff so I even thought I may meet his parents.  So my brother and I get in the car with him and head to his house and sure enough we pull up to this big, beautiful home, complete with a pool and huge waterfall in the back and he asked us to wait in the car.  So we waited, what seemed like an hour but realistically was about 20 minutes (later we realized he was either breaking into the home or was doing something else illegal) and he finally came and told us to come in.  As we walked around, I noticed there were all these family pictures up but he was in none of them.  He didn't even seem to know his way around the house that well, but oh well, I really liked him.  Our short tour ended and we got back in the car and that was it.  No family was even at the house. A couple of months went by and he was supposed to be coming over to go to my Grandma's for a family dinner and I received a phone call from him and he informed me he was really an informant for the FBI but something went wrong and he may be going to jail for drug trafficing and wanted my dad to bail him out.  Needless to say, that relationship ended.

Our stories could really go on and on but in a nutshell, here is what one really needs to look out for and this is the advice I have decided to hand down to my daughter.

 If your in line waiting to see your boyfriend in jail, like Tara and I did for her boyfriend, you might want to think to yourself, what am I doing? If you proceed to go ahead and stay in line to visit, we can offer you this little tidbit. Take a cushion to sit on because the seats are not comfortable and you have to share. Make sure you have plenty of change because the only drinks and snacks available are in a chained up vending machine. Bring hand sanitizer and antibacterial wipes to wipe down the phone that will be your only means of communication with the prisoner, your boyfriend, you just spent 3 hours waiting in line to see. And whatever you do, don't complain to one of the guards that the visitor accommadations could be better or go to the bathroom.

Next, if you begin to notice they are constantly changing the times in which you are meeting or the place, etc, more than likely, you aren't the only girlfriend.

If they offer you the chance to drive their hot sports car around, make sure you check everything inside the  car such as under the seats, the trunk, the console, wherever anything could be hidden in the car. You just may get pulled over and be an accessory to carrying illegal firearms and substances in your car and it will be very hard to convince an officer that you had no just wanted to drive your boyfriend's hot car. And another tidbit, you might want to use the word acquaintance because no cop is going to believe you don't know about your boyfriend's illegal activities.

Most of the time, a lot of the bad boys are addicted to a lot of things.  These addictions can lead to horrible mood swings that involve verbal, possible physical abuse, and just crazy nonsense that no one needs.  And eventually, just like when one of his addictions is no longer enough and they move on to the next one, you will be treated the same way. He will just move to the next girl in line.

Always carry an "emergency fund" in your purse that no one knows about but you.  Make sure you have at least $150.00 in the fund.  You never know when they may "forget" their wallet and you have to pay for dinner or you may need to take a cab home or pay for movie tickets because once again they "forgot" their wallet.

Don't believe his cockeyed story about why he no longer works at the place of employment he said he works when you confront him because you went to surprise him for lunch and the employees inform you they have never heard of the employee you are there to see. Now you should know why he always "forgets" his wallet.

If you realize that he is dating you and your best friend is dating his best friend that he suggest she dates, only for it to be a cover of their bi-sexuality that is too taboo for their "bad boy" image, don't ask any questions, just say it was nice while it lasted but you no longer think this is going to work out.

I know it sounds like Tara and I only dated bad boys, but we did have a couple of boyfriends that were truly great guys. We eventually ended up marrying great guys.  I just hope to keep my daughter from learning the hard way like I did. Good looks, great cars, and knowing all the right things to say will never amount to a relationship. Manners, good communication, a great sense of humor, and good, legal work ethics are just a few of the great qualities that will amount to a wonderful relationship. I just hope the path down her yellow brick road will lead her to that.

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